Should A Aspiring Influencer Friend Stop Using Me for Material?

The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of a decade, she, labels herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest helping her create material.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with another. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an viewers. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: observing the details, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not everyone likes being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but friends support one another in small ways. My assumption was filming a short video here or there would be fun for Beth. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value our friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She must to respect Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some real memories, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?